Women Drivers

Standard

This morning on the Interstate,


I looked over to my left and there was a


Woman


In a brand new


Cadillac


Doing 65 mph

With her


Face up next to her

Rear view mirror

Farding! **

I looked away

For a couple seconds…

to continue shaving

And when I looked back she was


Halfway over in my lane,


Still working on farding.


As a man,

I don’t scare easily.


But she scared me so much;


I dropped


My electric shaver


Which knocked

The donut


Out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying


To straighten out the car

Using my knees against


The steering wheel,

It knocked


My Cell Phone

Away from my ear


Which fell


Into the coffee

Between my legs!

Splashed,


And burned


Big Jim and the Twins,


Ruined the damn phone,

Soaked my trousers,

And disconnected an


Important call.


Damn women drivers!

**

Farding means to apply make-up (it’s used especially to refer to applying make-up while driving)

Here is the definition of fard:

fard

–noun

1. facial cosmetics.

–verb (used with object)

2. to apply cosmetics to (the face).

Origin:

1400–50; late ME < MF, OF: n. deriv. of farder to apply makeup, prob. < Old Low Franconian *farwiđon to dye, color (cf. OHG farwjan, G färben)

Dictionary.com Unabridged

Based on the Random House
Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009

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About turtlemom3

Early 70’s Orthodox Christian, wife, mother, grandmother, nurse with PhD, disabled. Have wonderful service dog - Warrior! Married to the Ol’ Curmudgeon - and I’m pretty doggone happy about that! Interests: Orthodox Christianity; reading; service dogs; computers, woodworking Greatest Life Experiences: Converting to Orthodoxy, Caving in Idaho, Attending Russian Orthodox Choir Conference (Oh! that music!). Favorite Things Back in High School: Reading; classical music - nerdy things. Favorite Things Back in College: Reading; classical music - nerdy things Favorite Things to do Now: Reading; classical music, computer stuff, surfing the internet - nerdy things - no real change! Favorite TV Programs: Anything about Sci-fi or forensics - or both? Favorite Movies: The Chosen; Ostrov; 84 Charing Cross Rd; Air Force One; Becket; Indiana Jones; Star Wars; Favorite Music: Russian Orthodox (Christian) chant; Bach; Mozart's Magic Flute Favorite Quote: The body is a slave, the soul a sovereign, and therefore it is due to Divine mercy when the body is worn out by illness: for thereby the passions are weakened, and a man comes to himself; indeed, bodily illness itself is sometimes caused by the passions.”~*~ St. Seraphim of Sarov, Spiritual Instructions Favorite Authors: Robert Heinlein; Mercedes Lackey; Anne MacCaffrey, Fr. Steven Ritter, Sarah Elizabeth Cowrie, St. Nikolai Velimirovic - among many others

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