PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

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FOR THOSE WHO  LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF  AMBIGUITY..

1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS  AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY  THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO  TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA,  FLOOR…..

3. ATHEISM IS A  NON-PROPHET  ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN  EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND  APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON  SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS  LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A  BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, ‘WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP  SECTION?’ SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE  PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE  WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL  QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF  PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH  SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH  MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL  HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE  SITUATION?

10. IS THERE  ANOTHER WORD FOR  SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO  FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT  ALL?’

12. WHAT DO YOU DO  WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED  PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY  FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS  WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY  WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A  WALK?

15 WHY DO THEY LOCK  GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN  THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE  DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR  NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS  EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF  THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO  REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO  THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK  MACHINES?

20.  HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST  THING BEFORE SLICED  BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING  ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER  PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE  MERMAID WEAR AN  ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT  POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL  WAR?

25. IF ONE  SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN  TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH  PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE  HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO  FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU  DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ INSTEAD OF ‘ASSTEROIDS’?

30. WHY IS IT  CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT  THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN  EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR  CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

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About turtlemom3

Early 70’s Orthodox Christian, wife, mother, grandmother, nurse with PhD, disabled. Have wonderful service dog - Warrior! Married to the Ol’ Curmudgeon - and I’m pretty doggone happy about that! Interests: Orthodox Christianity; reading; service dogs; computers, woodworking Greatest Life Experiences: Converting to Orthodoxy, Caving in Idaho, Attending Russian Orthodox Choir Conference (Oh! that music!). Favorite Things Back in High School: Reading; classical music - nerdy things. Favorite Things Back in College: Reading; classical music - nerdy things Favorite Things to do Now: Reading; classical music, computer stuff, surfing the internet - nerdy things - no real change! Favorite TV Programs: Anything about Sci-fi or forensics - or both? Favorite Movies: The Chosen; Ostrov; 84 Charing Cross Rd; Air Force One; Becket; Indiana Jones; Star Wars; Favorite Music: Russian Orthodox (Christian) chant; Bach; Mozart's Magic Flute Favorite Quote: The body is a slave, the soul a sovereign, and therefore it is due to Divine mercy when the body is worn out by illness: for thereby the passions are weakened, and a man comes to himself; indeed, bodily illness itself is sometimes caused by the passions.”~*~ St. Seraphim of Sarov, Spiritual Instructions Favorite Authors: Robert Heinlein; Mercedes Lackey; Anne MacCaffrey, Fr. Steven Ritter, Sarah Elizabeth Cowrie, St. Nikolai Velimirovic - among many others

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