*God didn’t mean for women over 50 to have babies because He knew they would put them down and forget where they left them.
*A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… she has 14 kids but doesn’t really care.
*One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
*My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
*The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
*The nice part about living in a small town is that if you don’t remember what you have done, someone else will.
*The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
*Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
*Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
*I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing to gether and setting fire to my knicker’s.
*Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
*Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like…’You know sometimes I forget to eat!’ …..Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
*The trouble with some folks is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry it.
*I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day!