Some really “hokey” jokes…

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The Hokey Pokey

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry La Prise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for the family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in….. and then the trouble started.

= = = =

IDIOTS AT THE PHONE COMPANY:

Last week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone coop. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m.

When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the customer service rep asked, “Would you like us to call you before we come?”

I replied that I didn’t see how they would be able to do that since our phones weren’t working. He also requested that we report future outages by email.

(Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?). Mine does… I’m on DSL, but that’s STILL IMMATERIAL!

= = = = =

LETTER FROM HOME

Dear Billy Bob,

I’m writing this letter REAL SLOW because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we used to when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the damned house numbers with them when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen them since. The weather ain’t too bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send to you? Well, your Uncle John said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons on it, so we cut ’em all off and put ’em in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your daddy out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your cousin Jake.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought ’em off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three weeks.

Three of your old high school buddies drove off the Waxahachie bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swum to safety. Your other two friends were in the back of the pickup, but they drowned cuz they couldn’t get the dang tailgate down. Sorry you couldn’t be here for the funeral.

Well… no more news.

Your Aunt Martha

Thanks to Andy!!

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About turtlemom3

Early 70’s Orthodox Christian, wife, mother, grandmother, nurse with PhD, disabled. Have wonderful service dog - Warrior! Married to the Ol’ Curmudgeon - and I’m pretty doggone happy about that! Interests: Orthodox Christianity; reading; service dogs; computers, woodworking Greatest Life Experiences: Converting to Orthodoxy, Caving in Idaho, Attending Russian Orthodox Choir Conference (Oh! that music!). Favorite Things Back in High School: Reading; classical music - nerdy things. Favorite Things Back in College: Reading; classical music - nerdy things Favorite Things to do Now: Reading; classical music, computer stuff, surfing the internet - nerdy things - no real change! Favorite TV Programs: Anything about Sci-fi or forensics - or both? Favorite Movies: The Chosen; Ostrov; 84 Charing Cross Rd; Air Force One; Becket; Indiana Jones; Star Wars; Favorite Music: Russian Orthodox (Christian) chant; Bach; Mozart's Magic Flute Favorite Quote: The body is a slave, the soul a sovereign, and therefore it is due to Divine mercy when the body is worn out by illness: for thereby the passions are weakened, and a man comes to himself; indeed, bodily illness itself is sometimes caused by the passions.”~*~ St. Seraphim of Sarov, Spiritual Instructions Favorite Authors: Robert Heinlein; Mercedes Lackey; Anne MacCaffrey, Fr. Steven Ritter, Sarah Elizabeth Cowrie, St. Nikolai Velimirovic - among many others

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