The Blind Bunny

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

“Oh please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”

“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”

“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!”

The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”

The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…  You must be a – - – POLITICIAN!!”

How To Install A Home Security System In The South

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1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls – they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em in the house. Better wait outside.

“Cooter”

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Change – A Light Bulb??

Q: How many believable, competent, “just-right-for-the-job” presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

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A: It’s going to be a d-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-k 4 years, isn’t it?

Some Blonde Jokes

If you don’t like ‘em, don’t read ‘em!

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Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

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Q: A one armed blonde is hanging from a tree. How can you make her fall?
A: You wave at her!

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
A: Because it said “Concentrate”

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Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

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Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: She was throwing all the W’s away.

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Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: She was throwing all the W’s away.

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Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You’d pull the pin and throw it back.

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Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

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Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029

Ozone Created By Electric Cars Now Killing Millions
in Seventh Largest Country in the World, Mexifornia, Formerly Known as California

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White Minorities Still Trying to Have English Recognized
As Mexifornia’s Third Language

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Spotted Owl Plague Threatens NW US
Crops and Livestock

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Baby Conceived Naturally!
Scientists Stumped!

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Iran Still Closed Off
Physicists Estimate it Will Take at Least 10 More Years
Before Radioactivity Decreases to Safe Levels

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France Pleads for Global Help after Being Taken over By Jamaica
No Other Country Comes Forward to Help the Beleaguered Nation

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Castro Finally Dies at Age 112 – Cuban Cigars Can Now Be Imported Legally,
But President Chelsea Clinton Has Banned All Smoking

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George Z. Bush Says He Will Run for President in 2036

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Postal Service Raises Price of First Class Stamp to $17.89
Reduces Mail Delivery to Wednesdays Only

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Results of 85-year $75.8 Quadrillion Study:
Diet and Exercise Keys to Weight Loss

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Average Weight of Americans Drops to 250 Lbs

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Global Cooling Blamed for Citrus Crop Failure for Third Consecutive Year
in Mexifornia and Floruba

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Japanese Scientists Create Camera with Such Rapid Shutter Speed
It Can Photograph a Woman with Her Mouth Shut

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Senate Continues to Block Drilling in ANWR
Gas Now Selling for 40,532 Pesos per Liter
Gas Stations to be Open Only
on Tuesdays and Fridays

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Massachusetts Executes Last Remaining Conservative

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Supreme Court Rules Punishment of Criminals Violates Their Civil Rights

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Average Height of NBA Players Is Now Nine Feet, Seven Inches.

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New Federal Law Requires All Nail Clippers, Screwdrivers, Fly Swatters
& Rolled-up Newspapers must Be Registered by January 2030

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IRS Sets Lowest Tax Rate at 75 Percent

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Floruba Voters Still Having Trouble with Voting Machines

kinda punny!

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies. . .

“You just happened to catch my eye.”

(Oh shut up, and just pass it along!)

the kitty who stuttered – brought a wee tear to my eye

A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students.

“Human beings are the only animals that stutter,”she says.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

“It sure was,” said the little girl. “My kitty raised his back, and went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’…And before he could say ‘F..k Off’, the Rottweiler ate him!”

If These Aren’t True, They Ought to Be!

You could have heard a pin drop

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of “empire building” by George Bush.

He answered by saying, “Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.”

You could have heard a pin drop.

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Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, “Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?  He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  What does he intended to do, bomb them?”

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: “Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three me als a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in  transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have 11 such ships; how many does France have? “

You could have heard a pin drop.

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A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, “Whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.”

He then asked, “Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?”

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, “Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.”

You could have heard a pin drop.

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AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE…

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour.  Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

“You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”

The American said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !”

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. “Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in ‘44 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”

You could have heard a pin drop

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What Is A Veteran?

A “Veteran” — whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve — is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to “The United States of America,” for an amount of “up to, and including his life.”

That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country today, who no longer understand that fact.

Golf

Ed and Harriet met while on a cruise, and Ed fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue their relationship. ‘It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut,’ Ed said to his lady friend. ‘I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if  that’s a problem, you’d better say so now.

Harriet responded, ‘If we’re being honest with each other, here goes… I’m a hooker.’ ‘I see,’ Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then…………
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he added, ‘You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight

Thanks to Shinozi!

On Becoming Illegal.

FORMS ARE GOING FAST- SIGN UP TODAY!

Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254

Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family be cause we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as ‘in-state’ tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this on to your friends so they can save on this great offer.

Thanks to Shinozi!!

PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

FOR THOSE WHO  LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF  AMBIGUITY..

1. DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS  AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY  THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO  TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA,  FLOOR…..

3. ATHEISM IS A  NON-PROPHET  ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN  EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND  APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON  SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS  LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A  BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, ‘WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP  SECTION?’ SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE  PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE  WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL  QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF  PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH  SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH  MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL  HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE  SITUATION?

10. IS THERE  ANOTHER WORD FOR  SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO  FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT  ALL?’

12. WHAT DO YOU DO  WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED  PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY  FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS  WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY  WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A  WALK?

15 WHY DO THEY LOCK  GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN  THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE  DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR  NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS  EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF  THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO  REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO  THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK  MACHINES?

20.  HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST  THING BEFORE SLICED  BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING  ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER  PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE  MERMAID WEAR AN  ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT  POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL  WAR?

25. IF ONE  SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN  TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH  PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE  HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO  FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU  DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ INSTEAD OF ‘ASSTEROIDS’?

30. WHY IS IT  CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT  THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN  EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR  CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Flying Funnies – Full Screen!!

One that’s been once around the track… but, it’s funny!!!

A Washington , DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of “why” our country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts ..” Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ”Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa .” Her response – click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ”Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!”

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, ”Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, ”No.” She said, ”But they look so close on the  map.”

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ”Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ She replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!” After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , CA is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ”Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?”

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

10. A lady Senator called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa.’ ‘Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times. and every time they have accepted my American Express!”

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” ”Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.” ”The lady retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?” The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it’s in!

Thanks to DTGRAN!!!

The Wit and Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy……

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound; that’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Thanks to Sherryl.B

Definitions

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are
dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

And My Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

Ponder This

A young boy went up to his father and said, “Dad, the teacher gave us an assignment to determine the difference between potentially and realistically. Can you help me?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

“Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?”

The boy replied, “Yes… Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars………….. but Realistically,……… We’re living with two sluts and a queer.

Thanks to Shinozi!!

SIX BOYS AND THIRTEEN HANDS…

Each year I am hired to go to Washington. DC. with the eighth grade class from Clinton. WI where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation’s capitol, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall’s trip was especially memorable.

On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history –that of the six brave soldiers raising the United States flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima. Japan. during WW II.

Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, ‘Where are you guys from?’

I told him that we were from Wisconsin. “Hey, I’m a cheese head,too! Come gather around,Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.” James Bradley just happened to be in Washington, DC to speak at the Memorial the following day. He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who had passed away. He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up. I video taped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape. It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC, but it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night.

When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. Here are his words that night…

“‘My name is James Bradley and I’m from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called Flags of Our Fathers which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me. Six boys raised the flag on Iwo.”

“‘The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called ‘War.’ But it didn’t turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, d ied with his intestines in his hands. I don’t say that to gross you out, I say that because there are people who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war.”

“You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old – and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it.”

He pointed to the statue, “You see this next guy? That’s Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene’s helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph…..A photograph of his girlfriend. Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared. He was 18 years old. It was just boys who won the Battle of Iwo Jima. Boys. Not old men.”

“The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank. Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the ‘old man’ because he was so old. He was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn’t say, ‘Let’s go kill some Japanese’ or ‘Let’s die for ourcountry.’ He knew he was talking to little boys. Instead he would say, ‘You do what I say, and I’ll get you home to your mothers.’ “

“‘The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona. Ira Hayes was one who walked off Iwo Jima. He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, ‘You’re a hero.’ He told reporters, ‘How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?”

“So you take your class at school, 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together. Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive. That was Ira Hayes. He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down at the age of 32 (ten years after this picture was taken).”

“The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, Kentucky, a fun-lovin’ hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70, told me, ‘Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn’t get down. Then we fed them Epsom salts. Those cows crapped all night.’ Yes, he was a fun-lovin’ hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother’s farm. The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning. Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.”

“‘The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley from Antigo, Wisconsin. where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite’s producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say ‘No, I’m sorry, sir, my dad’s not here. He is in Canada fishing. No, there is no phone there. No, we don’t know when he is coming back.’ My dad never fished or even went to Canada. Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell’s soup. But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing. He didn’t want to talk to the press. You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn’t see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, ’cause they are in a photo and on a monument. My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a caregiver. At Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died in Iwo Jima. they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain.”

“When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero. When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, ‘I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back. Did NOT come back.’ “

“So that’s the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima. and three came back as national heroes Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time.”

Suddenly, the monument wasn’t just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero nonetheless.

One other thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that was not mentioned by Bradley, is that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of ‘hands’ raising the flag, there are 13. When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God.

We need to remember that God created this vast and glorious world for us to live in, freely, but also at great sacrifice. Let us never forget from the Revolutionary War to the current War on Terrorism and all the wars in-between that sacrifice was made for our freedom. Remember to pray for this great country of ours and also pray for those still in murderous unrest around the world. STOP and thank God for being alive and being free at someone else’s sacrifice.

God Bless You and God Bless The United States.

Semper Fi!!

Thanks to Shinozi!