Things I Have Learned From Living in Georgia…

21 June 08 at 11:42 pm (Incredibly Funny)

Possums sleep in the middle of the road, with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Georgia.

There are 10,000 types of spiders.  All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows – it sticks; ….  if it crawls – it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’  There is only dinner and then there  is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two.  We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’

You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is.  You work until you’re done, or it’s too dark to see.

You don’ t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

Sometimes you have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.

‘Fix’ is a verb.  Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’ ‘Fixinto’ is one word.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You install security lights on your house, and garage, and leave both unlocked.

You know what a ‘DAWG’ is.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

There are only own four spices:  salt, pepper, Tabasco, and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a state holiday. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm.’

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ Wal-martin’, or off to ‘Wally World.’

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop . . . it’s a Coke, Regardless of brand or flavor.  Example:  ‘What kinda coke you want?’

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Georgia (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can’t be a Georgian; it takes talent.  You might say it’s an art form, or a gift from God!

Thanks to dj46 who sent these lovely little thoughts!

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Dear Abby Was At A Loss to Answer These

21 June 08 at 10:48 pm (Incredibly Funny, Politics)

These are the kinds of Americans (?) who will determine which candidate will “push the red button” in the White House!

DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING!

  1. Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
  2. Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence On My VCR?
  3. Dear Abby, I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.
  4. Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.
  5. Dear Abby, I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
  6. Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
  7. Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
  8. Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
  9. Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
  10. Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
  11. Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Remember, these people can vote…

Thanks to Shinozi for this frightening Information!!

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Wisdom!

21 June 08 at 12:12 am (BWAHAHAHAHAHA, Shorties)

*God didn’t mean for women over 50 to have babies because He knew they would put them down and forget where they left them.

*A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… she has 14 kids but doesn’t really care.

*One of life’s mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

*My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

*The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

*The nice part about living in a small town is that if you don’t remember what you have done, someone else will.

*The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

*Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

*Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

*I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing to gether and setting fire to my knicker’s.

*Amazing!  You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

*Skinny people irritate me!  Especially when they say things like…’You know sometimes I forget to eat!’ …..Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.  You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

*The trouble with some folks is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry it.

*I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.  Are they kidding?  That’s my idea of a perfect day!

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